Show me the way to bed.
dictums
oncefuturequeen
* The other day when I was walking to my car from the gym I heard the band practicing the fight songs really loudly. I would be lying if I said I didn't get a little choked up. Hot damn, I can't wait for football season!

* Yesterday was a bust for both dieting and exercising. I went to the Inns of Court meeting yesterday, featuring free pizza. I love pizza. And considering you can get free pizza almost everyday at the school...well, my diet didn't have a chance. Then we had Lou's birthday at Torreya Grill (which, by the way, was wretched. If you hate food and all things concerning eating, you will love this place.). And since I had to go to Lou's birthday dinner with the Hispanic family I couldn't get sweaty. So no working out.

* However, the more I hang out with C's extended family the more I like them all. I think it's easier to like those who are not related to you. It is awkward when everyone is speaking Spanish but I guess I now have an excuse to dust off my high school language training.

* I love seeing all the 1Ls and not feeling that anxiety.

* I'm halfway through Breaking Dawn and I want punch Stephanie Meyers. Seriously. This sucks.

* I love having Fridays off. I'm going to read all day. If anyone wants to join me and have some coffee and quiet time, let me know.

Like a hand out the window in the wind...
dictums
oncefuturequeen
* Day 2 of Weight-Loss Extravaganza 2K8: I penciled into my planner a yoga class at 11AM but since I woke up with neck pain again I was able to talk myself out of going. Instead I went to the gym and treadmilled for half an hour and did arm and back/chest weightlifting. I feel pretty good about my neck; this was the first day in about a week and a half I haven't had to take something for the pain. As far as my diet, C and I are going to work on the 6 days on/1 day off plan. This entails eating right, exercising, not smoking or drinking for 6 days and then having one day off. Saturday will be our day off since we'll be at the wedding and I am not holding myself back from wedding food.

Fill your mouth with flesh and wine
dictums
oncefuturequeen
* School is back. I am definitely happier when I have tasks and classes and reading to do. Gratuitous transfers will be great I think. I've had Powell before and he really does enjoy teaching which makes the class go by relatively painlessly. Which is great since the subject matter is pretty dry (wills, trusts, probate). Dissolution of marriage will be great too. I love Wolf and I'm really excited to learn more about the actual field of law that I'll be going into. I have state constitutional law tonight with Judge Wolf. I'm a little nervous because I have absolutely no idea what to expect. But Judge Wolf is a great man and I think he'll be pretty easygoing. My schedule is pretty great; my only complaint is that I get out of class at 6:30 or 7 every night. This cuts into my cooking funtimes a bit. C and I will have to find a way around that.

* I'm watching the U.S. Open thanks to Michael's great idea of putting up a calender of all the sporting events coming up. This way I won't miss pro games and non-football sporting events that I feel like I'm always missing out on. I'm really enjoy watching tennis and, really, any sporting even in which I can root for the US.

* I'm 23 now. This weekend was great. I thought we would be getting the brunt of Fay's fury in Destin but we were just misted upon all weekend. It looks like Tallahassee got most of the weather. We spent most of out time eating and laying about in bed watching Battlestar Galactica. We were really fortunate to get a hotel right on the beach and it was so beautiful during the rain. I think I ate my body weight in crabs, which always makes for a good weekend.

* Today starts my quest to lose weight. I'm about to leave for the gym. I'm hoping keeping a journal like this will help keep me on track. If anyone has any tips or encouragement (if anyone even reads this anymore), please let me have it. I'll keep ya'll updated with my progress.

We are so fragile
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oncefuturequeen
* I haven't heard any of his music (besides the vague memory of a song on MTV several years ago) but the more I hear and read about Andrew W.K., the more I like him. I listened to an interview with him today on an old episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go! and I found his commitment to being genuine and kind and his promotion of good feelings so so refreshing. He fits in with my rejection of cynicism. I really enjoyed his turn of phrase when he was talking about being afraid of aging. He said he wasn't looking forward to having more past than future.

* I met with the career center advisor and all my fears are assuaged. Since I want to work in a small firm here in Tallahassee and/or in Pensacola, I won't have to start dropping resumes until Oct./Nov. Such a relief.

* My birthday is on Sunday and I'm not excited. I'm hoping to feel more excitement as the weekend goes on.

So long status quo
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oncefuturequeen
Maybe it would be fun to write in this again. I just find myself having lots of things to say and remember and no outlet. And then lo and behold, I remember my livejournal.

* I saw Vicky Christina Barcelona last night. I practically had to drag C to it. I loved it; C hated it (he doesn't like movies that glorify infidelity). It was just really beautiful and totally what I needed to remind myself of what I like and hold important in my life: travel, beauty, art, philosophy. I always go through the same thing when I watch a Woody Allen movie: first I find the dialogue really jarring. Then, I fall into the rhythm of it and let it wash over me. Then, it's the end and I find myself thinking about bits of dialogue and certain shots for weeks after. Rinse, repeat.

* I studied for all my classes yesterday. I had forgotten how much I love to study. I was really nice to flow for a while and just sit in the coffee shop with my music and my OCD habits and my books.

* Fay will follow us to Destin this weekend. I'm excited about eating some seafood and watching some major storms from our beach balcony.

* C and I are in the middle of The Corporation. Everyone needs to see it. Of course it's really one-sided (how could it not when Michael Moore, Howard Zinn, and Noam are the talking heads) but it's a good reminder of why we all work so hard. Of why I work so hard. Even though my personal cause isn't so related to corporations, it's helpful to remember how connected we are now and how everything does relate. It's just so easy to get frustrated when my micro solutions to problems don't seem to affect these macro problems.

* I have an appointment with my career advisor today and I am irrationally scared that she's going to tell me I'm too stupid to get a job.

These nights I get high just from breathing.
dictums
oncefuturequeen
I want to have nights like last night for the rest of my life.

As per our Wednesday night tradition, Boyfriend and I had people over for dinner and Lost. We made fajitas and drank Modelo and theorized about Lost and education philosophy. We smoked too many cigarettes and looked at jerks on the internet. We bitched about women and their crazy woman brains and then got real. Afterwards, when we're cleaning up I look at Boyfriend and say "We have such a good life together." and he concurs.

Today I'm wearing my grocery store dress (the dress I'm supposed to wear to the grocery store always, not a dress I bought from the grocery store) and it makes me feel pretty even though I'm not wearing makeup and barely brushed my hair.

This weekend I'm driving into Pensacola (hopefully, with Eric). I have no plans beyond finishing Scenes From A Marriage and See Jane Win and having my hair did. I would like to eat at Norma's, go garage saleing, go see Vacancy and/or Blades of Glory. If you live in Pensacola and are interested in any of these activities, please call me.

Also, I'm trying to recognize the holiness in each person and remind myself that each of us (even the people who totally suck) are God's children. But some people make it so hard for me.

I really wish that I didn't feel so embarressed when I talk about my spirituality. I think it's so hard for me because I view spirituality and my faith as extremely personal things and probably, most people who know me casually think I'm an atheist. I can talk about religion and being a Catholic all fucking day. I cannot talk about believing in God, the afterlife, etc. without feeling really uncomfortable. I wish it wasn't that way.

I'm not sure why I've been blogging so much as of late. I used to feel like I had nothing to say/no one was interested in what I had to say. And maybe that's still true but my need to write all of this down is overwhelming. Maybe I feel like everything is so wonderful that I need to document it if/when it all goes away.

I love the smell of testosterone in the morning.
dictums
oncefuturequeen
Things that give me the red ass: Take 2
...my kitchen is super-ultra-mega-King Kong smelly now.
...people putting extra letters in words.
...being broke.
...not having enough time to read.
...this spot on my upper back that is always sore from sitting at work.
...having to go to Finance class.
...the fact that my metabolism is slowing and I can't eat bread and cheese all the time anymore.

In other news...
Today I sent in my official "yes, I'll come to FSU Law" letter. I'm so glad everything worked out and I can stop worrying about my future. It's also really gratifying to know that FSU's College of Law is now a top tier law school, according to US News and World Report. However, now I have to start worrying about how I'm going to pay for it. I certainly won't be able to live in the lifestyle that I've become accustomed to. The school requires that 1Ls do not hold a job. It makes sense considering the first year of law school should be treated as a 40+ hour a week job.

I heard about an awesome idea for a party: everyone makes a mix CD and then makes enough copies for everyone invited and then everyone trades. If ten people come to the party, you get ten new mixes! How awesome is that? I want to pass it on to people, because I can't think of any of my friend who would want to do it but I still think it's a great idea.

Speaking of, Lost and Shear Genius at Boyfriend's house tonight! I plan on making dinner, although I'm not sure what. I'm open to suggestions, althought Boyfriend usually requests non-fried food. (Damn.)

I realized (just yesterday) that for the first time in my life, I am not automatically drawn to all things tragic. I had been so melancholy for so long that I forgot how lovely it is to be ...cheerful! Not everything has to be tragic or even bittersweet. Sometimes it's ok to like something bright and like it unironically. (I'm beginning to see how silly it is to be so damn ironic all the fucking time.) It's easy to criticize a social group from the outside, I realize, but I've finally gotten over my hispter tendencies. ('Hipster' is the only word I can use; I realize how meaningless it is but I think we all know what I mean when I use it.) It's kind of a relief to just enjoy things for what they are and not what they mean.
But there is a part of me that feels ridiculous for feeling so genuine.
And my sunny outlook doesn't mean I'm any less of a misanthrope. (I still hate on principle and judge people for many many things.) I'm just happier about being one.

I will clench my own fist.
dictums
oncefuturequeen
Things that have given me the red ass recently:

spending $100 and 3 hours figuring out how to make a DVD on my Mac for class and then it not burning correctly, and not knowing how to fix it.
cleaning all Sunday to have mess in the kitchen on Monday.
my dirty dirty car.
the amount of firm shirts I own that are too big for me.
my inability to make it to the gym.
how Sassy likes to molt after I vacuum.
how Scenes From a Marriage is so good but is so talky that I have to actually sit and watch it.
my eyebrows.
having to miss seeing Tim.
the trees in my backyardish area that are shedding all over my clean porch.
running out of my Peet's coffee and having to use Maxwell House.

There, I thought it was time for a complainy post. That feels better.

who's gonna drive you home tonight?
dictums
oncefuturequeen
I am starving. And I have almost nothing to eat here. Because I have almost no money. Spending almost $100 a month at Borders has finally caught up with me. But it's so worth it. I have probably 3 years of books waiting to be read. They're all over my room, filling my closets, covering my desk. Some are new, some are used, all are waiting for me to crack their spines and ravish them. It's a good feeling.

We did nothing this weekend and yet I was so productive today. It was glorious. I spent all day cleaning my house and cleaning out my closets for Goodwill. It's so nice to have clean floors and laundry. I love Sunday cleaning more than most things. Ok, I love cleaning in general more than most things. I fantasize about cleaning other people's houses and office spaces.

I'm reading See Jane Win, the Rimm report about successful women. It's really interesting how most successful women have similar backgrounds. Most were not very social (check), experienced high expectations put forth by their parents (check) and ended up in the profession that they showed the most aptitude in while they were children (check). It's the perfect thing for me to be reading right now, when I need the most motivation. I can't wait to get into the swing of law school and then start working in the real world with a career that will make a difference.

I caught the tail end of Shalom in the Home today and it reminded me of how much I love Jewish men. And then I started watching What Not To Wear and I realized how much I love the bitchy gays. Something happened in my development as a women wear I missed out on how to do girl things. (Alexa, you asked me once what I meant when I said I needed to be more feminine and I rudely never answered you. This is what I mean.) Girl things like wear makeup in a variety of colors and match clothing. I wear the same colors of eyeshadow everyday. I have two, wait three now, colors of shoes: black, brown, and white. I'm a little hopeless. Someone should make me go shopping. But I probably would make up some reason not to go anyway.

I love spending nights with Chris next to me, not talking, just being.

I guess you're just what I needed, I needed someone to feed
oncefuturequeen
I like my life on Fridays: coming home to an empty house and no homework, cleaning for an hour, listening to The Cars and Neil Diamond, eating with boyfriend, Waterworks.

I went to the official Accepted Students Day at the law school today. The entire time I was jumping up and down and clapping on the inside, while playing it totally cool on the outside. I did make an effort not to stand next to the oil painting of my parents in the atrium during the breakfast. Our speakers explicitly told us that the first year of law school must be treated like a job, one that work 60 hours a week. That only made me more excited. I'm stoked about doing something scholastically that I'll have to work at. School has always come easily to me. I've never had to study really. This should be interesting.

Today also made me realize how much I love my job and the little circle I have there.

I've also never been so glad to be a Corrigan.

Tomorrow I will wear shorts and go to the seafood festival with Dan and possibly Eric.

?

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